i am not sure what love is

ph: sommerbrise

Sometimes I am not sure what love is. Sometimes I would find myself asking is this how love is suppose to feel?

There used to be days I was really sure what it is. Moment of first love that innocent fluttering feeling which comes out and lives within me with excitement made me confident this was probably was love was. Fresh and new and full of excitement. Then in the midst of smiles and laughter, tears came along..with anger and pain. What seem to me like it was everlasting love, flew out of the window in just a blink of an eye. Questions began to rise, isn't love suppose to be everlasting? or is it just a spur of the moment thing? Can you really lose love with time?

Second and third relationships ended up the same way. Things such as 'I felt love in the beginning, but somehow I lost it with you... you'd be better off with another better guy' became a common quote. Innocent image of love gets lost in the process. All you'd recall is just how 'love' doesn't last and that well maybe you just don't know what exactly love is.

Funny, how easy it is sometimes to forget all those happy moments you share with a person that you've build together for a period of time in just a blink of an eye... then later on only recall the pain which acts as the base for the defensive mechanism you unknowingly build around you. Sometimes I guess maybe I chose not to believe in love so I don't get hurt again.

I'm back again on the track but I am not sure what I am feeling is really love, or just a longing to be with someone, since I've seem to have a misconception. The image of love began to be blurry. What exactly it is begins to be uncertain. I doubt almost everything and just things flow, but I can't really feel like I am all there.

In the end I am still not sure.

to look back on what was lost

ph: weheartit

C,

I know my words will likely fall on deaf ears, but if it�s the choice between wishing on a star and doing nothing, I�d take the star every time and hope that you might find my letter here and read it with an open heart. Most days in life are as forgettable as the next � things don�t change, people follow the same patterns and do the same things. It�s a rare day that goes to shape a person, the simply great moments and the truly horrible ones, that will last forever burnt into someone�s mind. It�s in these moments that we find who we truly are, and set ourselves on a course to be who we want to be.
You told me that when we met, you had never felt for someone what you felt for me. While I never told you, I felt the same incredible spark, that glowing feeling where everything around you is brighter, newer and in all ways better than before. You set me free, took me on adventure after adventure and showed me a side of life I had never imagined, and in return I showed you the same. We loved a love that has been written about to the point that every word about it is clich�. And that�s okay, because it�s the simplest and most powerful joy in human life. Never before has someone inspired me the way you did.
I do not blame you for walking away, far from it. The days that I would spend with you playfully became less common, the talks of dreams and seeing the world sparser, the basic act of listening which I did not fully comprehend yet was lacking, and in the end I failed to see the simple things you needed.
If there is one saving grace though for heartbreak and time alone, it�s that when the storm clears, we have the ability to look back on what was lost, to see mistakes made, and choose to better ourselves for it. I kept a wall up, and I have only myself to blame for that, but in this moment of letting my secrets go, my feelings for you are as simple as this � every day we spent together was the best day of my life. I know now that the love you gave to me � not the heart-skipping, pulse pounding excitement that I first had with you, but your desire to be with me that kept my heart aflame � was in all ways perfect. I know I�ve said you were perfect before, but I�m not sure I ever really explained that this is how I meant it. If I still had you with me today, not a single moment would pass that I wouldn�t make you feel the same.
I know I can�t make you choose to open your heart up to me again. But if I could now, I would make you feel that perfect love that you gave me. I would run wild with those clich�s - I would be outside your office with flowers every day, I would take you on all those trips we planned, I would get lost with you in adventure, I would drive off into the sunset with you with no real direction and only the desire to spend time with you, to be with you, to make you smile that way that lights up the night. I know I won�t always be perfect, and I know I won�t always be new and fascinating, but given the chance I�d grab your hand and take you on the most incredible journey of a lifetime. If there�s one thing I wish you take from this note, in hopes that you find true happiness, it�s that you discover what those who have come before us and found happily ever after know - that the butterflies aren�t what define love, but are what lead you to it. Until then I�ll be waiting with butterflies.

Love,
P

so i never have to live without you

ph: Samh�ll

see me too

ph: weheartit

I don't really care if anyone sees this or not, it's not really the kind of thing to get published. I just had to say it- I'm in love. That's it, just love! And he doesn't know, and he can't know. The consequences our relationship would create I'm savy enough to understand, and God knows what he thinks of me day today since I'm so much younger and dumber, but I don't care. I'm past caring. Every little ambiguous feeling of doubt that hung around, that still has reason to hang around, is slowly being dismantled because I realize the truth. Ego rem intellecto. If I could scream it on rooftops I would. And I want him to know because if he points out one more guy or girl that I should date I think it might come out anyway.

I want you. It is you! and I think it's only ever going to be you. Not in that 'I'll never find anyone else' sort of way, but I'll never find anyone as interesting, intelligent, witty, funny and perfect for me again. Sometimes I just stare in wonder, and you see it, and look at me like I'm crazy. But you don't understand how crazy I am for you. No one knows. No one needs to know. I'm up and I'm down and in and out and I've realized I don't want it any other way. It's you. It's always been you. I loved you before I knew you. Yes, it happens, even if we're not together.

This isn't a good story, you're just that person I talk to and can't touch. The one who I'll either marry or think about when I'm marrying someone else. I don't necessarily know what true love is, but you've got the rhythm that matches mine. Turn around one day and let me know if you see me too.

where your mind goes

ph: hwryttarna

and then i met you

ph: weheartit + weheartit

worth the wait

ph: Psiu_teamo

The moment I woke up I turned around and looked into your eyes. You were already awake. �Stay with me� I whispered with my almost non existing morning voice. �I want to� you said. �but i cant�. You kissed my dry lips and put your hand over my face. We looked into each others eyes, and with only an hour til you were leaving I knew there was nothing I nor you could do about it. But i still whispered �please?�. We made love and got dressed. Took pictures of ourselves standing in front of the window. The morning light was painting the room with a beautiful colour. You packed your bags while I showered. then I got dressed while you showered. We were both kinda quiet. Once in a while we would laugh about something, hug each other for a few seconds while I repeated the same words, or just look at each other. But most of the time we were busy waking up. None of us are morning people.

Outside it was snowing. You carried your heavy suitcase up the hill and i took the lighter one. We got on the bus and got off at the station where the other bus was gonna pick you up. I leaned against your shoulder and a couple of tears rolled down my cheek. You touched my face and said �don't cry�. I tried to say goodbye maybe 5 times, pulling myself away from you. But every time I came back, held you close and said the same words over and over again. �I don't want you to leave. please stay�.

This could be a sad story but its not.

I found real love.

The real real love. Not the kind that will make you cry at night, or ask yourself why he said that, or kissed that other girl, or why he isn't sure about us. The real L-O-V-E. The person I know will love me for the rest of my life. I know it sounds crazy. I thought I found that in those other boys when I met them to. But I was wrong. And this feeling is so different. It's trust. I am calm. For the first time in years.

I went to work. I turned around a couple of times, and you waved at me. At work I kept busy and I laughed. Then I came home and your smell hit me like a wall when I entered my apartment. There were flowers on the kitchen table, a few things in the bathroom that you forgot. The sheets were messy. But the apartment felt so empty. I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning, turn around and whisper "Please stay". My small bed suddenly feels so big. But I know one day I will be able to turn around every morning and you will be there, and you will stay. And even though I miss you every second and every minute, for that, it is worth the wait.