so i wonder

ph: weheartit

I fell in love with the way he held me tight. I fell in love with the way he'd kiss the back of my hand as he held it. I fell in love with the way he whispered, "I love you" in my ear, the way his breath felt against my neck as we cuddled, the way his lips felt when we kissed, who he was. I fell deeply in love with, I dove deeply.

Months pass and the sweet words flow and everything is fine and as soothing as things where, we were like the titanic. We graced through the water, we didn't see the iceberg coming, we felt it hit. We sank, so quick. One minute we were in love the next he was doubting. From someone who claimed that I was perfection in their eyes, from someone who stated they never wanted me to leave, he left. He tossed me aside, feelings invested, heart claimed, he left. He said we needed a break, said he wasn't feeling what we had anymore. And for so long I blamed myself, so many tears have I spilled. So many bruises cover my heart.

So I wonder, when you walk down the road you took when you left, will you ever stop dead in your tracks and want to run back to me? Will sorrow fill you up and tip you over and have you trying to wipe away all the sadness that has filled you up? Will you miss me and my pure love, my golden heart? Will you come back and snuggle next to me, your spot is as empty as ever since you left. More importantly, in your heart - was that the best choice you made? To leave someone who loves you, because truth be told, I still yearn for you. And I don't know if my heart will remain in the same spot you dropped it at. Will you be afraid when someone else has picked it up?
________________________________________

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i'm not able to not LOVE you

ph: weheartit

I wish it was easy to stop, to just make my hands and heart let go and tell them to rest before they latch on to the next guy that I compare to how perfect you are. I still love you so much because I loved you so much then, and I don't have a forgetful heart. You were perfect. You treated me so unbelievably perfect that my standards are now as high as they go. But it sucks, almost four years later and still you're the only one I want to be that good to me. There's just no one else. I'm not willing to push though and start loving anyone else, It's only you. Your rudeness, your sarcasm, I'd prefer it, I'd prefer it over any and every southern gentleman that shakes my hand that's still only longing for yours. I want you back, I wasn't ready to give you up then but you seemed so excited and ready for the change that I had to look like I was as strong as you. But you know me, you know i'm not ok without you. My happiness has been so little since we split. I LOVE YOU. I'm not able to not LOVE you. I don't want to not love you. Maybe these words will get me nowhere, I'll settle and deal. But always remember...It's the "tot" that counts.

S

caring about anyone else

ph: weheartit + unknown

to look back on what was lost

ph: weheartit

C,

I know my words will likely fall on deaf ears, but if it�s the choice between wishing on a star and doing nothing, I�d take the star every time and hope that you might find my letter here and read it with an open heart. Most days in life are as forgettable as the next � things don�t change, people follow the same patterns and do the same things. It�s a rare day that goes to shape a person, the simply great moments and the truly horrible ones, that will last forever burnt into someone�s mind. It�s in these moments that we find who we truly are, and set ourselves on a course to be who we want to be.
You told me that when we met, you had never felt for someone what you felt for me. While I never told you, I felt the same incredible spark, that glowing feeling where everything around you is brighter, newer and in all ways better than before. You set me free, took me on adventure after adventure and showed me a side of life I had never imagined, and in return I showed you the same. We loved a love that has been written about to the point that every word about it is clich�. And that�s okay, because it�s the simplest and most powerful joy in human life. Never before has someone inspired me the way you did.
I do not blame you for walking away, far from it. The days that I would spend with you playfully became less common, the talks of dreams and seeing the world sparser, the basic act of listening which I did not fully comprehend yet was lacking, and in the end I failed to see the simple things you needed.
If there is one saving grace though for heartbreak and time alone, it�s that when the storm clears, we have the ability to look back on what was lost, to see mistakes made, and choose to better ourselves for it. I kept a wall up, and I have only myself to blame for that, but in this moment of letting my secrets go, my feelings for you are as simple as this � every day we spent together was the best day of my life. I know now that the love you gave to me � not the heart-skipping, pulse pounding excitement that I first had with you, but your desire to be with me that kept my heart aflame � was in all ways perfect. I know I�ve said you were perfect before, but I�m not sure I ever really explained that this is how I meant it. If I still had you with me today, not a single moment would pass that I wouldn�t make you feel the same.
I know I can�t make you choose to open your heart up to me again. But if I could now, I would make you feel that perfect love that you gave me. I would run wild with those clich�s - I would be outside your office with flowers every day, I would take you on all those trips we planned, I would get lost with you in adventure, I would drive off into the sunset with you with no real direction and only the desire to spend time with you, to be with you, to make you smile that way that lights up the night. I know I won�t always be perfect, and I know I won�t always be new and fascinating, but given the chance I�d grab your hand and take you on the most incredible journey of a lifetime. If there�s one thing I wish you take from this note, in hopes that you find true happiness, it�s that you discover what those who have come before us and found happily ever after know - that the butterflies aren�t what define love, but are what lead you to it. Until then I�ll be waiting with butterflies.

Love,
P

up in flames

ph: c-loser

B,

Some people dream of slowly walking away in silence as something spectacular goes up in flames behind them. Like the number one thriller that everyone dreams could be their life. And here I am to say...I watched you walk that walk, while the flames simply engulfed me. I wasn�t ready to burn or be burned. No one knew to save me, except the one that lit the fire.

It�s magnificent from your view, but what about me. I�m too solid to be destroyed but God, this hurts, this hurts me more and more. I can�t find a place that isn�t marked with your perfection. I can�t find of clean piece in the wreckage to rebuild. But when it happens in a small town, the foundation never really disappears.

Give in...come back...and love ME. Stop looking, stop walking further into the distance. Come here and save me. I am telling you B that you will not ever find a heart that can withstand your flame. No heart can hold on this tight when all odds are pulling the other side. Turn around and look, I�m still here. There will never be a time when you turn around and don�t see me standing here.

You may have to walk back through flames but I�m the only one that can make it through them to love you when the smoke clears. Choose me, Love me.

S

flashbacks

ph: Sandy Voo + weheartit

never going to go away

ph: brian oldham

It doesn't feel weird to wake up without you anymore. Sometimes I feel terrible, sometimes fantastic, but it doesn't depend on you anymore. I can take as much time as I want in the morning - I can choose to get dressed as fast or slow as I want to and I can run out the door without having to pull you with me. My glass of water is mine only and is not emptied by somebody else.

But as you can see, I think about you.

But still� not.

I think about the person you were when I still had the energy to love you and you still hadn't crushed us. You were so damn egoistic when you treated yourself like shit. You never understood that we were bound together in the heart and that I was just as hurt as you when you threw yourself around like garbage. The concrete tore up both our bodies. Not just yours.

I don't think about who you are today. I don't miss the one you probably are now. I don't miss who you wanted to be or become.

Sweet you is missing. Gorgeous you. Handsome you. Annoying you. Restless you. Easily embarrassed you. Cuddly you. Morning moody you. Giggling you. Loving you. Real you! Everything you were, with all the negative and annoying behavior you brought with you.
On the inside, you never were something negative. I don't know whom you gave the right to change your personality, but it never really fit with the person I loved so sincerely. You changed shape, in some way. Became somebody else from time to time. Someone I didn't love at all.

Hell, I was so sick of you. And of me.

Maybe mostly of me. I disliked us so much in the end. Everything was so hard.
Only a few things were beautiful. Most things were just so damn ugly. And me! Angry, mad, cranky, sad, hurt, sarcastic, mean. I was everything that I'm not. And full of despair. So terribly full of despair, like I'd never been before.
For five years, my home was in your arms.

I love my life. Yes, I actually do. Despite everything. And can you believe it - I love my life even though you're not here with me!

I confess that I occasionally still feel like I'm dying when I realize that we're no longer� you know� Us. I can never deny that you were my other half. Neither can I deny that you're missing.

I nevertheless think that I now finally, finally, finally have reached the point where I want to leave you behind. I want to move on. I want to go on with my life. I want to look out ahead without seeing you everywhere, all the time.

It's going to take some time before I finally will, but I've taken a step in the right direction.
I want to move on now. And that's what's important.

But damn.

Damn, I loved you so much.
Damn, I always will.

And damn�
The pain is never going to go away.


/ Tanja

make your way back to me

ph: eusobreviviontem

I don't know how to start, so I�ll just say everything that comes to my head. It been one rough year and I know I haven't made it easy. I took it to a point, where you feel you're better without me. I finally got the one thing that I wanted and I blew it. I let so many things from my past get the best of me. You tried to take on everything that I was giving but it was too much. I put too much on you. I just want to say that I love you and I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't turn out to be the person I should have been. I've loved you since I was 16, you've been my everything. I know there is no choice but to walk away, I need to work on me and you also need to do the same. My heart is broken and I feel lost. I'm going to work real hard on getting myself better and I'm going to trust whatever it is that brings us together. I still believe you were made for me and I was made for you. We just keep doing it at the wrong time. So I'm telling you this one more time. Make sure you find your way back to me; I don't care if your 80 by then, I don't care. Make your way back to me because my arms are your home. I love you with my whole being. I promise you next time I will get it right and if it doesn't come... I�ll still be waiting in our next life time. I love you babe and as you see, I don't care if the whole world knows it. I'm sorry for the stress, drama. All I ever wanted was to love you. I�ll keep moving forward because my heart has hope. One day you will come back and we will live happy ever after. Until then... like I've told you before, if you feel lonely, sad or hurt, go to our special spot. the moon and I�ll be waiting for you. You can always catch me there, waiting for you...

to say all of this to you

ph: weheartit

I remembered the first time you picked me up in that stupid car of yours & made my sit in silence until your hour of silence was up. I remember the time we met in the parking lot and you listened to me cry. I remember kissing you that night. I remember breaking your heart because not being with you was breaking mine. I remember seeing you walk into that coffee shop 6 months later and feeling like a piece of my heart was complete again. I remember those late nights. I remember wanting to call you the second I left your side. I remember all the phone calls. I remember everything you said. I remember your sweet kisses. I remember falling in love with you, and never telling you. I remember leaving for school. I remember pushing you away. I remember the regret that I felt the second we got off the phone that night after I said goodbye. I remember the tears hitting the floor. I remember that last phone call..."I'm dating someone."

My heart was ripped right out of my chest. I could picture spending the rest of my life with you. Kissing you on that bridge in Paris. Staying all day in bed with you. And now you have all of these dreams with her. She's beautiful. She seems great. Which kills me, of course. But I'm happy that you are happy. I'm not happy that she's the one making you happy. I couldn't give you everything that she can right now. I'm so far away from you. It's the worst feeling. I feel like I have my hands tied behind my back and my mouth covered with tape. If I could just see you. If I could just talk to you. You would see, I'm becoming the woman that I'm supposed to be. I wanted you to be a part of my growth. A part of my change. I miss you more than anything. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say all of this to you, face to face.

But I guess this just serves as a lesson. Never let go of something that means the world to you. I don't care how scared you are. I don't care how lazy you are. I don't care about your pride. Fucking fight for the things that you love.
-r

let me know

ph: Aleksandr Kutakh

Never thought I would be in this position. Remembering every touch, every single word. How my heart always raised when I looked into your eyes. Our sharing of cigarettes and serious talk. Laughter. Kisses. Hugs. Your hands around my body when spooning. Your smell.

For these seven months, my world has been revolved around you. Even though your world didn�t seem to have anything to do with me during this time, until yesterday. Telling me that you have to fix things, that you�re not perfect-but you�re willing to try, how you are longing for my hugs. Ending the conversation with me asking for you-without an answer. Texted you this morning, asking if your night had been a bit hazy-no answer.

You have been making my mind go crazy for seven months, still are. With this being the worst time ever. I want you, I want to try. Me standing here with my hands down, ready to take the punch. I want to know if you�re willing to try, or if these precious times together for me, have been nothing but a good way to spend a few hours. Let me know, the sooner the better.

worth the wait

ph: Psiu_teamo

The moment I woke up I turned around and looked into your eyes. You were already awake. �Stay with me� I whispered with my almost non existing morning voice. �I want to� you said. �but i cant�. You kissed my dry lips and put your hand over my face. We looked into each others eyes, and with only an hour til you were leaving I knew there was nothing I nor you could do about it. But i still whispered �please?�. We made love and got dressed. Took pictures of ourselves standing in front of the window. The morning light was painting the room with a beautiful colour. You packed your bags while I showered. then I got dressed while you showered. We were both kinda quiet. Once in a while we would laugh about something, hug each other for a few seconds while I repeated the same words, or just look at each other. But most of the time we were busy waking up. None of us are morning people.

Outside it was snowing. You carried your heavy suitcase up the hill and i took the lighter one. We got on the bus and got off at the station where the other bus was gonna pick you up. I leaned against your shoulder and a couple of tears rolled down my cheek. You touched my face and said �don't cry�. I tried to say goodbye maybe 5 times, pulling myself away from you. But every time I came back, held you close and said the same words over and over again. �I don't want you to leave. please stay�.

This could be a sad story but its not.

I found real love.

The real real love. Not the kind that will make you cry at night, or ask yourself why he said that, or kissed that other girl, or why he isn't sure about us. The real L-O-V-E. The person I know will love me for the rest of my life. I know it sounds crazy. I thought I found that in those other boys when I met them to. But I was wrong. And this feeling is so different. It's trust. I am calm. For the first time in years.

I went to work. I turned around a couple of times, and you waved at me. At work I kept busy and I laughed. Then I came home and your smell hit me like a wall when I entered my apartment. There were flowers on the kitchen table, a few things in the bathroom that you forgot. The sheets were messy. But the apartment felt so empty. I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning, turn around and whisper "Please stay". My small bed suddenly feels so big. But I know one day I will be able to turn around every morning and you will be there, and you will stay. And even though I miss you every second and every minute, for that, it is worth the wait.

i remember you

ph: weheartit


Two years ago, I met a wonderful boy. He was a friend to a friend of mine, and he was visiting this friend for about a week. I had talked to him two or three times before in some chat or something, but it was nothing special about him I thought, before the first time I met him.

He lived in the country next to mine. It seems close. But it isn't. Anyway, two years ago I was heading to the local supermarket, to met this incredible boy and my friend.
A summer day when the sun shined and made everything beautiful, the food tasted better, the music sounded better, and everything was shining and the world was golden.

The first time I saw him it was love at first sight. I blushed. His eyes was blue, but also a bit green. And his hair was blonde. Dark blonde. The way he walked, and the way he talked. Everything about him was extraordinary and I couldn't stop wanting to know everything about him. His middle-name and if his mother still called him sweetheart.

I didn't expect anything. I didn't want anything. I didn't know anything. I just knew that the second our eyes met I couldn't see anything else. So we stared at each other. Long. And that day we walked around and talked to each other about everything and anything. He sang like an angel and had the brains of an professor. He had humor, and everything anyone could ask for. The only weakness he had was that he believed he wasn't memorable. I fell in love in just a couple of days with every little part of him, and he sat outside my door as soon as the sun rised and we walked around my little town next to the sunrise. After that we would run away and swim, or grab an ice cream in the sun. We often just listened to music and talked for hours. Talked til the sun was about to go down and the sky painted it self red.

On the last night before he was going to leave me and my heart who already belonged to him we walked along the beach. With the sunset as our background. He held my hand and I held his, as hard as I possibly could. We climbed up a cliff and sat down. He hugged me, embraced me with every part of him. Kissed my forehead. We didn't say anything. Just sitting next to each other felt safe. More safe then anything else. We knew it was the end. Of this. Of what I thought life was about. He would be to far away. And the sun was about to go down and I wanted it to stay up more than I ever wanted anything. So that the next day would never come, and he would never leave. I wanted him to stay so badly I almost couldn't feel myself breath.
Somehow I must have fallen asleep in his arms, because the next morning I woke up in my own bed. He was gone. The only thing left was a letter in a envelope with my name on it.

"Angela,
I carried you home when the sun was down. When you're reading this I'm probably on the train, on my way home.
I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to fall in love with a girl, a wonderful, beautiful girl, in Sweden in less than a week. Cause that's what happened.
I'm in love with you. You. You. You. I don't know much. But you own my heart, even though you're one country away. Doesn't that say alot?

We're young and we're stupid, but it hurts me that I can't be stupid with you. I would leave everything at home to just be with you, even though it sounds dumb.
I know. It wouldn't work. We can't be together. We're too far away from each other. We have so different life's, so different dreams and wishes. But our hearts are the same. Beating for the other. My heart is always going to beat a bit harder for you. I hope you know that, that you will always be a piece of me, everywhere you go.
I didn't have the time to say it before I had to go, but.. I've never met anyone like you. Ever, and I think I love you. Or, I know I do. I love you.

Write me. And please, remember me."

When I'm writing this it's been two years. We've had others. Loved others. But somehow, we're back to this. In love again.

...........

F,

If you're reading this, I remember you.
I'll always remember you, and when you call me in the middle of the night just to sing a song or when I wake up and read your long emails, or when I take a walk down the beach we sat by just to remember you a little bit more, I remember you so much it hurts, but it feels good knowing you'll always be close. Even though you aren't here.

You are and always will be a person no one ever will forget.
Lots of love, Angela