to find someone new

ph: Stefany Alves

I have thought about it many times.
Perhaps mostly because everyone besides myself seems to wonder when I'm going to find someone new. But I don't let it get to me. I'm not looking for someone new. I'm far from ready and I don't want to be in a relationship. I just started to let go of my previous one.

There is a time for everything, and now is my time to heal. To grow strong and be whole in myself. Learn to live with myself, my scars and my memories. Learn how to always feel safe within and not let that one single frightened voice in my head (the ego) stop me from having an open heart and dare to love unlimited.

What has been, has been. What is now is now. The rest is still unwritten.

love yourself

ph: mymodernmet

so yes, keep those lovely memories with you

ph: weheartit

I just came across this letter while cleaning out my computer files. Two
years ago I clearly realized that yes life does go on. And I am worth it.

Dear Sidney
Read this anytime you thought life was easy, or hard. �oh take me back to the start� said coldplay. Yes coldplay. The lovely piano that Nathan played for you. He doesn�t like you and its hard to hear. And yes he broke your heart but your worth better. Those drunken hookups were nothing, yeah they were fun but they are not going to get you anyone better than him� and that is what you deserve. So put on a smile. Don�t ignore the fact that your sad, or lonely. But move on. Wallowing does no good, and the memory is important. So yes, keep those lovely memories with you, because it is very unlikely your future husband will love coldplay, john mayer, and johsua radin as much as you do. But if he does, because he will be the best man for you and make you extremely satisfied and happy, look back with a smile at those times. Because you loved them. And they killed you but they were great. Watching the stars on the car, seeing him play at potbellies, driving with him. There were good times and you were friends but that is it. And he broke your heart but it will only make you love someone even more, because he won�t do that to you.

Sidney you�re beautiful and worth it. Don�t cry. Love you.

-Sidney

we keep on living

ph: ruuca

Dear You,

When you ended our relationship after I surprised you on your birthday, the future looked dismal to me. I didn�t know what to do, I didn�t know what to think or feel. Our relationship just felt like one big mess. I wanted to clean it up but I didn�t know how to start � too many things were said and done. But it�s been four months after the breakup and guess what? I�m standing on my own two feet and people say that I look better than I ever did when I was with you. Although it hurts sometimes and I miss you every single day, I am at peace and my world has never felt so put together... so right.

I compared my current healing process to the first one I had to go through when I was in high school. I must say, I did a much better job today. It took me almost a year to get over a silly, little high school boy but it took me just a few months to get over you, my first real boyfriend. I ask myself how I did it. Besides of course the wisdom that comes with age, I think I really had no choice but to make myself strong. If I did otherwise, I would probably be the most bitter and broken girl right now. The things you did to me were unfathomable. You swallowed me, you put me down, and towards the end you treated me like I didn�t matter. Anyone who had to go through that would probably have the same reaction as I did.

But that night you broke up with me and made me walk in the pouring rain, I realized that I couldn�t play the role of the victim anymore. I was sick and tired of it. So I toughened my heart and my head. I became my own friend and told myself that I didn�t deserve this. So the past four months has been all about that. More than getting over you, it was about finding me and allowing myself to be loved by me, my loved ones, and by God. You made me crumble during the relationship and I wasn�t going to allow that to happen again after the relationship. So I built my world again. And I continue to do so.

Although you have hurt me like no one has, I still love and miss you. I still wish that things could be different but they�re not. And you know what? This time, it�s okay. I just hope that one day we can be great friends again � just like the way it started out. In the meantime, I�ll pray for you and hope for the best for your life. And as for me, I�ll give myself what I deserve. That�s what survivors, warriors, and fighters do. We pick ourselves up and we keep on living.

Always, Me

something i have to do for me

ph: weheartit

D,

I�m writing this letter to tell you goodbye. I will never admit to writing this, much less ever give it to you, but this is something I need to do for myself. After our nearly four-year story, I�m letting go. You let go a long time ago, and I realize that it is time for me to do the same. I�m letting go of everything I thought that we would become. I�m letting go of thinking of you every single day, more than once. I�m letting go of secretly hoping that we will one day end up together. I�m letting go of waiting. I have realized once and for all that I am not meant to be with you. You know how much I cared about you, so I will not go into that in this letter. I have told you how I feel about you for years. I allowed you into the deepest part of my heart. I allowed you to know me better than I knew myself, and for that I am extremely regretful. I have learned that no girl should ever open up as far as I opened up to you. Nothing is forever, and there is no reason to be so vulnerable. I gave you parts of myself that have taken many months to get back. I put you above myself�something that I will never do again for the rest of my life. I am my top priority, no one else. I look back on our relationship and sometimes find myself wishing that it never happened. I�m not sure if I actually mean that, because, after all, everyone says it�s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I�m not so sure though, because you hurt me in a way that I didn�t know was possible. I loved you with every single part of me. And when we were over, I felt as if I had lost all of those thousands of parts. You left me broken... I still feel broken sometimes. Maybe we went wrong because of the timing. Maybe it�s because we were still growing into ourselves, although I guess there is no use in speculating why things worked out the way they did. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I want you to know I think you are an amazing person. I don�t blame you for the way you hurt me. I recognize that was not your intention. I know you will do great things in life, and you deserve every inch of it. God has taught me so much about myself this past year. In hindsight, I consider our break up a blessing. But, despite the fact that I have been growing a lot, I still have a lot of healing to do. In order to do that, I need to tell you goodbye. Because every time I make the decision to be your friend, I fall harder. When you kiss me, or call me, it is different to me than it is to you. I have learned that the way I care about you is much deeper than your present feelings for me, and I can�t truly move on until I cut you out of my life completely. I hope you don�t take this the wrong way. This is something I have to do for me, in order to love myself again, and someone else. Thank you for everything you have taught me. It�s been a long, crazy ride. Goodbye, D.

Best Wishes & Love Always,

M