i don't want us be strangers

ph: weheartit + weheartit

fault

ph: weheartit

I just found out the love of my life has a new girl, and this is what my fingers typed when I told myself to speak out my feelings.

"It's not his fault"

It's not his fault I fell for him. It's not his fault he was my perfect fit. At some point all the weight of guilt would fall on me, because it's my fault I fell for someone who didn't love me back. It's my fault I ache every night when I think of him, and it's my fault I gave him everything without regretting anything. It's my fault for feeling the most incredible, indescribable, immense love towards him. It's all my fault. And I'm paying for it.

i hate you. i love you. i miss you.

ph: Esben B�g

Dear you,

I hate
...you.
...that you call me.
...that you belong to someone else.
...myself or leaving.
...myself for never telling you how I feel.
...us

I love
...you
...you for everything you are.
...the memories you created with me.
...us

I miss
...you
...the way you smile
...our long conversations
...playing video games
...cocktails at our favorite bar
...us

I hate you. I love you. I miss you...

-Me

you�ll never forget your first true love

ph: RengimMutevellioglu

It�s been two years. I remember the two first months felt like forever. Two years ago I thought I would be ok in a two years time. I wasn�t back then, it felt like a never ending pain. But the reasonable me kept on saying "Hold on, just hold on. I will be okay, it will end one day and it will go faster than you expect. It just doesn�t feel like that right now. But I know it will.�

I honestly thought two years would be more than enough to� I don�t even know to what. To move on, to stop hurting, to stop crying, to stop loving. Perhaps even to forget?

But I haven�t. I haven�t stopped crying or hurting. I haven�t really moved on. And I have definitely not forgotten.

So now I don�t know what I should tell myself anymore.

I guess people who say that you�ll never forget your first true love are actually telling the truth.

Namsi

I can�t wait for you

ph: flickr

Every time I close my eyes to go to sleep I pick out my favourite memory of us. Of you.

Sometimes it is when I was lying on you and we were laughing so hard that we laughed even more just because it was so fun to laugh. Your smile.

Sometimes it is when we hanged out first time. We were watching Tangled and you predicted every single thing. The way you irritate me.

Sometimes it is when we used to lie in your bed and snuggle. Chest to chest, arms around each other, legs tangled and cheek to cheek. The way you smell.

Sometimes it is when we wrestled and ended up on the floor with me on top. Winning. Even though I know that you would easily beaten me. Your generosity.

Sometimes it is when we were on our way home to your place after a night out, both drunk and I asked you if you would be hung over the next day and you replied �As long as you are next to me it doesn�t matter how bad I am. I�ll be the luckiest guy anyway.�. The way you made me feel.

Sometimes it is when we were walking and you suddenly took my hand as it would have been the most natural thing in the world. How much you mattered to me.

But most of the time it is the last time we kissed. Because I know that it was the last time.

We are both in the US, for now. But you are going to finish your four year of college here and when my only year is over I�ll be going back to Sweden again. You will still have three more years to go. Three more years apart.

I�ll miss you so much and I will never forget you. But I can�t wait for you. Mostly because I can't wait for someone that doesn�t know what he wants. I told you how I felt but you never told me what you felt. I can only guess and I�m guessing � as much as I�m hoping- that you feel the same way I do for you. But guessing and hoping is not something that will keep me waiting for you. I would need you to confirm it. I would need you to say that you love me back. But you can�t and that is why I can�t wait three years for you.

I�m sorry and I hope life will treat you well.

Yours truly.

so i wonder

ph: weheartit

I fell in love with the way he held me tight. I fell in love with the way he'd kiss the back of my hand as he held it. I fell in love with the way he whispered, "I love you" in my ear, the way his breath felt against my neck as we cuddled, the way his lips felt when we kissed, who he was. I fell deeply in love with, I dove deeply.

Months pass and the sweet words flow and everything is fine and as soothing as things where, we were like the titanic. We graced through the water, we didn't see the iceberg coming, we felt it hit. We sank, so quick. One minute we were in love the next he was doubting. From someone who claimed that I was perfection in their eyes, from someone who stated they never wanted me to leave, he left. He tossed me aside, feelings invested, heart claimed, he left. He said we needed a break, said he wasn't feeling what we had anymore. And for so long I blamed myself, so many tears have I spilled. So many bruises cover my heart.

So I wonder, when you walk down the road you took when you left, will you ever stop dead in your tracks and want to run back to me? Will sorrow fill you up and tip you over and have you trying to wipe away all the sadness that has filled you up? Will you miss me and my pure love, my golden heart? Will you come back and snuggle next to me, your spot is as empty as ever since you left. More importantly, in your heart - was that the best choice you made? To leave someone who loves you, because truth be told, I still yearn for you. And I don't know if my heart will remain in the same spot you dropped it at. Will you be afraid when someone else has picked it up?
________________________________________

the winner of the jewelmint giveaway was... WINNIE! congrats!
make sure to check out jewelmint for this month's latest designs ?

"us"

ph: weheartit

I have a need. A need to write it down, to get my feelings on this paper so I have something that I can hold on to. Because I am confused, so very confused, wandering around a dark room not knowing why or how I ended up in it. Like a clich�. So many stories that I read are applicable to mine, but still I feel a need to write my own story down, a substitute is just not good enough.

How can you not see what everyone else is seeing?

How can you not feel anything?

How can you not care?

My friends and our mutual class mates ask me why we aren�t seeing each other, why we haven�t become a �we� � just you and me. Every time I lie and tell them there�s nothing, tell them they see something that doesn�t exist. But every time I do that, a small part of my heart burns away with an ache so deep I don�t know how to get by. You started out trying to be my friend and we were pretty good at it, those were our glory days. It�s sad, because I truly believe that we could be something more. I�m just not sure you see it, because you don�t seem to care or even give it the slightest thought. Even though your best friend came to me and told me that he had asked you why you didn�t just walk up to me and made us an �us� - just you and me. You�re not bothered by the fact that everyone around us gives us looks, you can�t even talk with me about it. I can�t talk to you about it. I�m too scared, I�m so very frightened that it would make you disappear completely out of my life. I don�t want that. I�d rather be your friend and have you around, hear your voice, see you act up. But every time I find out that you�ve been texting with someone else or if some other girl comes up to you and you�re joking and laughing, this black, huge monster wakes up inside me. I can�t bare it, I can�t handle it. I wish so bad that you could see what everyone else is seeing, be a man about it and confront me, grow up. I�m afraid my heart will shatter if this monster has to wake up too often, I�m also afraid my heart will shatter if you don�t talk to me at all. But for now, it seems to me, that�s the best solution. I�ll stay out of your way, try to keep my distance and maybe my monster will go to rest. All I have to care about after that is to recover from not being with you at all. I�ll collect the pieces of my heart and try to glue it together again.

Although still praying, hoping, for a miracle. For me to be brave, or you to take in the obvious.

They say the last thing that leaves a human being is hope. For good and bad.

~E

unfinished business

ph: weheartit

I can�t get the hang of this. I�ve been typing and erasing and can�t decide how to write so I don�t know how it will turn out. My story is confusing, especially to me. You see, everything we�ve been through, it�s so baffling, intertwined and complexly stretched out that I can�t even put it into words. You know what they say about realising what you have only when you lose it? That�s exactly what happened.

I do not know when I realised it and it must have been a while after it ended... but as time went on and all our different aspects were becoming apparent to each other- for my part at least- I think I fell in love. Fell in love when I wasn�t even on talking terms with this other person.

The thing is that the actual 'relationship' was a short ordeal. We went out for a few weeks but after a while, it was abruptly cut short. All in all, it was a quick thing, too quick for us to properly adjust to each other. The worst part is that despite everything, we had a whole lot of 'moments' and little sweet memories that keep haunting you.

So for two years it�s been this mesh of an unfinished business, an unspoken of and non-verbal communication and many, many stupid mistakes. We used to see a lot of each other so it was painful. There was no way I could move on, especially me being so overwhelmed with his presence. Sometimes one of us made a move. We ignored each other- I don�t know why. We would then get mad with each other and that made everything worse. Cowards and bloody idiots!

Today, I do not know what will happen. Sometimes I feel so sad that two people can be so complimentary and yet clash so much at the same time. I used to get really sad about this. Twice I tried to contact him. Useless. Just as useless as his attempts were.

I have finally accepted the fact that the right occasion won�t ever come up. Not now anyway, I don�t ever see him. Which is good. At least I can have a good shot at moving on.

My final and concluding thought is that I really wish that it wasn�t for him the way it was for me. Because in that case it must have been bloody painful and I really don�t want him to have gone through all that.

I love you.

Despite everything.

sometimes

ph: weheartit

Sometimes it feels like a stick is squeezed between my collarbones, firm but gently, and a dull ache spreads all over my upper chest and throat. It can happen at any time and place, often when I am alone, though it occurs around other people as well. It feels like I am crackling from the inside, my breathing gets weaker, all of my muscles stiffens, my stomach turns and a chronic weariness rolls along. All I want to do is to crawl under my bed cover and pretend that a new ice age has arrived.

Sometimes is now, thank god, just sometimes.

but,

Sometimes I miss us, and what we could have become if grew along, not apart.

S, (sleepless) Sweden

i'm not able to not LOVE you

ph: weheartit

I wish it was easy to stop, to just make my hands and heart let go and tell them to rest before they latch on to the next guy that I compare to how perfect you are. I still love you so much because I loved you so much then, and I don't have a forgetful heart. You were perfect. You treated me so unbelievably perfect that my standards are now as high as they go. But it sucks, almost four years later and still you're the only one I want to be that good to me. There's just no one else. I'm not willing to push though and start loving anyone else, It's only you. Your rudeness, your sarcasm, I'd prefer it, I'd prefer it over any and every southern gentleman that shakes my hand that's still only longing for yours. I want you back, I wasn't ready to give you up then but you seemed so excited and ready for the change that I had to look like I was as strong as you. But you know me, you know i'm not ok without you. My happiness has been so little since we split. I LOVE YOU. I'm not able to not LOVE you. I don't want to not love you. Maybe these words will get me nowhere, I'll settle and deal. But always remember...It's the "tot" that counts.

S

to look back on what was lost

ph: weheartit

C,

I know my words will likely fall on deaf ears, but if it�s the choice between wishing on a star and doing nothing, I�d take the star every time and hope that you might find my letter here and read it with an open heart. Most days in life are as forgettable as the next � things don�t change, people follow the same patterns and do the same things. It�s a rare day that goes to shape a person, the simply great moments and the truly horrible ones, that will last forever burnt into someone�s mind. It�s in these moments that we find who we truly are, and set ourselves on a course to be who we want to be.
You told me that when we met, you had never felt for someone what you felt for me. While I never told you, I felt the same incredible spark, that glowing feeling where everything around you is brighter, newer and in all ways better than before. You set me free, took me on adventure after adventure and showed me a side of life I had never imagined, and in return I showed you the same. We loved a love that has been written about to the point that every word about it is clich�. And that�s okay, because it�s the simplest and most powerful joy in human life. Never before has someone inspired me the way you did.
I do not blame you for walking away, far from it. The days that I would spend with you playfully became less common, the talks of dreams and seeing the world sparser, the basic act of listening which I did not fully comprehend yet was lacking, and in the end I failed to see the simple things you needed.
If there is one saving grace though for heartbreak and time alone, it�s that when the storm clears, we have the ability to look back on what was lost, to see mistakes made, and choose to better ourselves for it. I kept a wall up, and I have only myself to blame for that, but in this moment of letting my secrets go, my feelings for you are as simple as this � every day we spent together was the best day of my life. I know now that the love you gave to me � not the heart-skipping, pulse pounding excitement that I first had with you, but your desire to be with me that kept my heart aflame � was in all ways perfect. I know I�ve said you were perfect before, but I�m not sure I ever really explained that this is how I meant it. If I still had you with me today, not a single moment would pass that I wouldn�t make you feel the same.
I know I can�t make you choose to open your heart up to me again. But if I could now, I would make you feel that perfect love that you gave me. I would run wild with those clich�s - I would be outside your office with flowers every day, I would take you on all those trips we planned, I would get lost with you in adventure, I would drive off into the sunset with you with no real direction and only the desire to spend time with you, to be with you, to make you smile that way that lights up the night. I know I won�t always be perfect, and I know I won�t always be new and fascinating, but given the chance I�d grab your hand and take you on the most incredible journey of a lifetime. If there�s one thing I wish you take from this note, in hopes that you find true happiness, it�s that you discover what those who have come before us and found happily ever after know - that the butterflies aren�t what define love, but are what lead you to it. Until then I�ll be waiting with butterflies.

Love,
P

we keep on living

ph: ruuca

Dear You,

When you ended our relationship after I surprised you on your birthday, the future looked dismal to me. I didn�t know what to do, I didn�t know what to think or feel. Our relationship just felt like one big mess. I wanted to clean it up but I didn�t know how to start � too many things were said and done. But it�s been four months after the breakup and guess what? I�m standing on my own two feet and people say that I look better than I ever did when I was with you. Although it hurts sometimes and I miss you every single day, I am at peace and my world has never felt so put together... so right.

I compared my current healing process to the first one I had to go through when I was in high school. I must say, I did a much better job today. It took me almost a year to get over a silly, little high school boy but it took me just a few months to get over you, my first real boyfriend. I ask myself how I did it. Besides of course the wisdom that comes with age, I think I really had no choice but to make myself strong. If I did otherwise, I would probably be the most bitter and broken girl right now. The things you did to me were unfathomable. You swallowed me, you put me down, and towards the end you treated me like I didn�t matter. Anyone who had to go through that would probably have the same reaction as I did.

But that night you broke up with me and made me walk in the pouring rain, I realized that I couldn�t play the role of the victim anymore. I was sick and tired of it. So I toughened my heart and my head. I became my own friend and told myself that I didn�t deserve this. So the past four months has been all about that. More than getting over you, it was about finding me and allowing myself to be loved by me, my loved ones, and by God. You made me crumble during the relationship and I wasn�t going to allow that to happen again after the relationship. So I built my world again. And I continue to do so.

Although you have hurt me like no one has, I still love and miss you. I still wish that things could be different but they�re not. And you know what? This time, it�s okay. I just hope that one day we can be great friends again � just like the way it started out. In the meantime, I�ll pray for you and hope for the best for your life. And as for me, I�ll give myself what I deserve. That�s what survivors, warriors, and fighters do. We pick ourselves up and we keep on living.

Always, Me

up in flames

ph: c-loser

B,

Some people dream of slowly walking away in silence as something spectacular goes up in flames behind them. Like the number one thriller that everyone dreams could be their life. And here I am to say...I watched you walk that walk, while the flames simply engulfed me. I wasn�t ready to burn or be burned. No one knew to save me, except the one that lit the fire.

It�s magnificent from your view, but what about me. I�m too solid to be destroyed but God, this hurts, this hurts me more and more. I can�t find a place that isn�t marked with your perfection. I can�t find of clean piece in the wreckage to rebuild. But when it happens in a small town, the foundation never really disappears.

Give in...come back...and love ME. Stop looking, stop walking further into the distance. Come here and save me. I am telling you B that you will not ever find a heart that can withstand your flame. No heart can hold on this tight when all odds are pulling the other side. Turn around and look, I�m still here. There will never be a time when you turn around and don�t see me standing here.

You may have to walk back through flames but I�m the only one that can make it through them to love you when the smoke clears. Choose me, Love me.

S

2 years

ph: weheartit

Dear R,

2 years of beautiful. That's how I look at it. 2 years of something really fucking spectacular. Hell, we weren't perfect. There were dark days and days that I thought the sun couldn't compare to us. But we were this funky twist of fate that turned into a bond that couldn't be denied, only relished and cherished. Our end wasn't pretty. It wasn't simple. It wasn't painless (they never are). We both did things I thought we'd never do, in good ways and bad. We tried to recreate those 2 years, to go back there and steal maybe one more glint of light from that spark. But it wasn't the same, and after many trials, many different outcomes, we are over. It took something really big to show me that-that it was different, that our 2 years were something so incredible they couldn't be duplicated. But I want you to know, I want this to reach you-in losing you as my boyfriend, my lover, I finally see, after these months of indecision and fear (and hell, i'm still scared now) that i miss you as a person more than anything. The best friend I had in you is the part that I never want to lose. Our 2 years of beautiful are worth an eternity of memories, and the friendship that comes out of being that to someone, should never be lost. I'm not sure when we'll find what works, how we can still be close and not get hurt. But I hope we get there. I really hope we do. So know from here that I still love you, that I would always do anything for you and a large piece of my heart will always be yours. 2 years of fucking beautiful, R, really fucking beautiful. Thank you for those. Go out and live, show the world what I was lucky enough to see. I love you, forever kid.

Always,
S

never going to go away

ph: brian oldham

It doesn't feel weird to wake up without you anymore. Sometimes I feel terrible, sometimes fantastic, but it doesn't depend on you anymore. I can take as much time as I want in the morning - I can choose to get dressed as fast or slow as I want to and I can run out the door without having to pull you with me. My glass of water is mine only and is not emptied by somebody else.

But as you can see, I think about you.

But still� not.

I think about the person you were when I still had the energy to love you and you still hadn't crushed us. You were so damn egoistic when you treated yourself like shit. You never understood that we were bound together in the heart and that I was just as hurt as you when you threw yourself around like garbage. The concrete tore up both our bodies. Not just yours.

I don't think about who you are today. I don't miss the one you probably are now. I don't miss who you wanted to be or become.

Sweet you is missing. Gorgeous you. Handsome you. Annoying you. Restless you. Easily embarrassed you. Cuddly you. Morning moody you. Giggling you. Loving you. Real you! Everything you were, with all the negative and annoying behavior you brought with you.
On the inside, you never were something negative. I don't know whom you gave the right to change your personality, but it never really fit with the person I loved so sincerely. You changed shape, in some way. Became somebody else from time to time. Someone I didn't love at all.

Hell, I was so sick of you. And of me.

Maybe mostly of me. I disliked us so much in the end. Everything was so hard.
Only a few things were beautiful. Most things were just so damn ugly. And me! Angry, mad, cranky, sad, hurt, sarcastic, mean. I was everything that I'm not. And full of despair. So terribly full of despair, like I'd never been before.
For five years, my home was in your arms.

I love my life. Yes, I actually do. Despite everything. And can you believe it - I love my life even though you're not here with me!

I confess that I occasionally still feel like I'm dying when I realize that we're no longer� you know� Us. I can never deny that you were my other half. Neither can I deny that you're missing.

I nevertheless think that I now finally, finally, finally have reached the point where I want to leave you behind. I want to move on. I want to go on with my life. I want to look out ahead without seeing you everywhere, all the time.

It's going to take some time before I finally will, but I've taken a step in the right direction.
I want to move on now. And that's what's important.

But damn.

Damn, I loved you so much.
Damn, I always will.

And damn�
The pain is never going to go away.


/ Tanja

make your way back to me

ph: eusobreviviontem

I don't know how to start, so I�ll just say everything that comes to my head. It been one rough year and I know I haven't made it easy. I took it to a point, where you feel you're better without me. I finally got the one thing that I wanted and I blew it. I let so many things from my past get the best of me. You tried to take on everything that I was giving but it was too much. I put too much on you. I just want to say that I love you and I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't turn out to be the person I should have been. I've loved you since I was 16, you've been my everything. I know there is no choice but to walk away, I need to work on me and you also need to do the same. My heart is broken and I feel lost. I'm going to work real hard on getting myself better and I'm going to trust whatever it is that brings us together. I still believe you were made for me and I was made for you. We just keep doing it at the wrong time. So I'm telling you this one more time. Make sure you find your way back to me; I don't care if your 80 by then, I don't care. Make your way back to me because my arms are your home. I love you with my whole being. I promise you next time I will get it right and if it doesn't come... I�ll still be waiting in our next life time. I love you babe and as you see, I don't care if the whole world knows it. I'm sorry for the stress, drama. All I ever wanted was to love you. I�ll keep moving forward because my heart has hope. One day you will come back and we will live happy ever after. Until then... like I've told you before, if you feel lonely, sad or hurt, go to our special spot. the moon and I�ll be waiting for you. You can always catch me there, waiting for you...

the art of letting go

ph: weheartit

to say all of this to you

ph: weheartit

I remembered the first time you picked me up in that stupid car of yours & made my sit in silence until your hour of silence was up. I remember the time we met in the parking lot and you listened to me cry. I remember kissing you that night. I remember breaking your heart because not being with you was breaking mine. I remember seeing you walk into that coffee shop 6 months later and feeling like a piece of my heart was complete again. I remember those late nights. I remember wanting to call you the second I left your side. I remember all the phone calls. I remember everything you said. I remember your sweet kisses. I remember falling in love with you, and never telling you. I remember leaving for school. I remember pushing you away. I remember the regret that I felt the second we got off the phone that night after I said goodbye. I remember the tears hitting the floor. I remember that last phone call..."I'm dating someone."

My heart was ripped right out of my chest. I could picture spending the rest of my life with you. Kissing you on that bridge in Paris. Staying all day in bed with you. And now you have all of these dreams with her. She's beautiful. She seems great. Which kills me, of course. But I'm happy that you are happy. I'm not happy that she's the one making you happy. I couldn't give you everything that she can right now. I'm so far away from you. It's the worst feeling. I feel like I have my hands tied behind my back and my mouth covered with tape. If I could just see you. If I could just talk to you. You would see, I'm becoming the woman that I'm supposed to be. I wanted you to be a part of my growth. A part of my change. I miss you more than anything. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say all of this to you, face to face.

But I guess this just serves as a lesson. Never let go of something that means the world to you. I don't care how scared you are. I don't care how lazy you are. I don't care about your pride. Fucking fight for the things that you love.
-r

let me know

ph: Aleksandr Kutakh

Never thought I would be in this position. Remembering every touch, every single word. How my heart always raised when I looked into your eyes. Our sharing of cigarettes and serious talk. Laughter. Kisses. Hugs. Your hands around my body when spooning. Your smell.

For these seven months, my world has been revolved around you. Even though your world didn�t seem to have anything to do with me during this time, until yesterday. Telling me that you have to fix things, that you�re not perfect-but you�re willing to try, how you are longing for my hugs. Ending the conversation with me asking for you-without an answer. Texted you this morning, asking if your night had been a bit hazy-no answer.

You have been making my mind go crazy for seven months, still are. With this being the worst time ever. I want you, I want to try. Me standing here with my hands down, ready to take the punch. I want to know if you�re willing to try, or if these precious times together for me, have been nothing but a good way to spend a few hours. Let me know, the sooner the better.

something i have to do for me

ph: weheartit

D,

I�m writing this letter to tell you goodbye. I will never admit to writing this, much less ever give it to you, but this is something I need to do for myself. After our nearly four-year story, I�m letting go. You let go a long time ago, and I realize that it is time for me to do the same. I�m letting go of everything I thought that we would become. I�m letting go of thinking of you every single day, more than once. I�m letting go of secretly hoping that we will one day end up together. I�m letting go of waiting. I have realized once and for all that I am not meant to be with you. You know how much I cared about you, so I will not go into that in this letter. I have told you how I feel about you for years. I allowed you into the deepest part of my heart. I allowed you to know me better than I knew myself, and for that I am extremely regretful. I have learned that no girl should ever open up as far as I opened up to you. Nothing is forever, and there is no reason to be so vulnerable. I gave you parts of myself that have taken many months to get back. I put you above myself�something that I will never do again for the rest of my life. I am my top priority, no one else. I look back on our relationship and sometimes find myself wishing that it never happened. I�m not sure if I actually mean that, because, after all, everyone says it�s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I�m not so sure though, because you hurt me in a way that I didn�t know was possible. I loved you with every single part of me. And when we were over, I felt as if I had lost all of those thousands of parts. You left me broken... I still feel broken sometimes. Maybe we went wrong because of the timing. Maybe it�s because we were still growing into ourselves, although I guess there is no use in speculating why things worked out the way they did. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I want you to know I think you are an amazing person. I don�t blame you for the way you hurt me. I recognize that was not your intention. I know you will do great things in life, and you deserve every inch of it. God has taught me so much about myself this past year. In hindsight, I consider our break up a blessing. But, despite the fact that I have been growing a lot, I still have a lot of healing to do. In order to do that, I need to tell you goodbye. Because every time I make the decision to be your friend, I fall harder. When you kiss me, or call me, it is different to me than it is to you. I have learned that the way I care about you is much deeper than your present feelings for me, and I can�t truly move on until I cut you out of my life completely. I hope you don�t take this the wrong way. This is something I have to do for me, in order to love myself again, and someone else. Thank you for everything you have taught me. It�s been a long, crazy ride. Goodbye, D.

Best Wishes & Love Always,

M