a stranger i cant wait to know

ph: weheartit

as long as i can remember ive always been searching for "the one." romance novels, disney fairytales, and hollywood chick flicks have put images of white knights and prince charmings in my head that realistically dont exist. alas the hopeless romantic, emphasis on hopeless, that i am keeps her eyes peeled in case one magically walked through a magic mirror into this world searching for me too.

in the past ive gone to many lengths to meet my soul mate. utilizing online dating, missed connection sites, blind dates... yet they all end in failure. in most cases my overzealous heart either mistakes him for someone hes not, or scares them away. and yet no matter how many times my heart has been chipped, dropped, and broken, i continue to pick up the pieces and tape them together again and move on with my search.

more recently i took a step back. trying to rearrange my priorities and get the rest of my life in a place that makes me happy. its taken about a year but i feel im finally there. i know who my true friends are and i make time to invest in them. i have a career i love with all my heart and work for a company i truly believe in. i could hit the gym more often but thats not really impairing my happiness too much. im living with my parents, which isnt the ideal situation, but the 3 of us are getting along well and im closer to my goal of savings to get out on my own again soon! but no matter what i do for myself, no matter how many spa days i allow, big pay checks i get, or pounds i loose, theres still something missing. and that is him. the one. my prince charming. my hero.

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD!!! a few weeks ago, i was minding my own business at dillards and there he was. i had just gotten off work, i was exhausted and disheveled, and decided to swing by the mall to grab a few things. i had parked in the parking area i always park in and as i was leaving to head home i walked by the holiday decor. with my mothers santa clause collection in mind i popped in to see if there may be a santa she couldnt live without. sure enough, Irish Santa popped out and i commenced my search to find one to buy. of course i couldnt so i went to look for help. approaching the first dillards employee i could find i found my heart start to race. my cheeks flush. my voice retreating. he was the most handsome man ive ever laid my eyes on. now if you remember prince charming is typically described as "tall, dark, and handsome" he fits this mold in his own quirky way. he is tall. not too tall though. perfectly tall. hes strong and fit. in a way that when he wraps his arms around me i feel safe and protected. smaller. i feel like a space was saved for me in those arms of his. oh is he handsome. i believe the term for him is "silver fox." ugh is it sexy. he wears his silver locks in a Madmen style, classic and chic. his smile makes sparks fire within my soul. his eyes are like deep, endless pools that i could loose myself in for hours. oh how i long for him now... even now he distracts me. but anyways, back to the story. i asked him for help finding santa. as he went to the stock room to search i frantically found a mirror and quickly applied lipstick, powder, and let down my hair... my crazy attempt to make myself more attractive for him. oh did i mention he was wearing the cutest red bow tie?! ugh! as he returned he wrapped up my gift and we began to chat. well, he was chatting, i was flirting. we took notice of each others tattoos and learned we were both of irish decent. it was a short lived encounter that i will never forget. he won me over in 5 measly minutes. without even trying. i left the mall with only the name tony to go by. but i HAD to know him. know who he is. what hes about. everything about him. i wanted him in my life from that very moment.

jump ahead past the crazy stalker faze i had when i got home that night frantically searching for him via internet. its amazing how easy it is to find someone if you really want to. so you can guess... i found him, emailed him, and anxiously waited for a response. i soon learned he was more than willing to start a friendship, but the air soon deflated from my bubble when i learned he was seeing someone. *le sigh*

jump ahead again, its only been perhaps 2 weeks. and we are friends. but i have fallen head over heels for him. without a doubt, deep for him. my heart feels as though it has finally found its counterpart. the last piece to my puzzle. my white knight. (as i type this my phone makes is typical text message sound and my heart jumps as i see its from him :) ) hes the man ive been dreaming of my whole life. i know without a doubt, deep in my soul, that he is the most wonderful man ive ever met. his touch makes my stomach tighten. his smile lights me on fire. when he speaks i want to savor every story. i long to feel what his lips feel like. what his breath tastes like. to be as close as possible to his body.

when im apart from him it feels as though my heart has a string tied around it. and he holds the other end. my heart feels like it is being pulled towards this man. this man that i honestly dont know. hes still very much a stranger. a stranger i cant wait to know deeply, inside and out.

you�ll never forget your first true love

ph: RengimMutevellioglu

It�s been two years. I remember the two first months felt like forever. Two years ago I thought I would be ok in a two years time. I wasn�t back then, it felt like a never ending pain. But the reasonable me kept on saying "Hold on, just hold on. I will be okay, it will end one day and it will go faster than you expect. It just doesn�t feel like that right now. But I know it will.�

I honestly thought two years would be more than enough to� I don�t even know to what. To move on, to stop hurting, to stop crying, to stop loving. Perhaps even to forget?

But I haven�t. I haven�t stopped crying or hurting. I haven�t really moved on. And I have definitely not forgotten.

So now I don�t know what I should tell myself anymore.

I guess people who say that you�ll never forget your first true love are actually telling the truth.

Namsi

with you forever

ph: weheartit + weheartit

i remember you

ph: weheartit


Two years ago, I met a wonderful boy. He was a friend to a friend of mine, and he was visiting this friend for about a week. I had talked to him two or three times before in some chat or something, but it was nothing special about him I thought, before the first time I met him.

He lived in the country next to mine. It seems close. But it isn't. Anyway, two years ago I was heading to the local supermarket, to met this incredible boy and my friend.
A summer day when the sun shined and made everything beautiful, the food tasted better, the music sounded better, and everything was shining and the world was golden.

The first time I saw him it was love at first sight. I blushed. His eyes was blue, but also a bit green. And his hair was blonde. Dark blonde. The way he walked, and the way he talked. Everything about him was extraordinary and I couldn't stop wanting to know everything about him. His middle-name and if his mother still called him sweetheart.

I didn't expect anything. I didn't want anything. I didn't know anything. I just knew that the second our eyes met I couldn't see anything else. So we stared at each other. Long. And that day we walked around and talked to each other about everything and anything. He sang like an angel and had the brains of an professor. He had humor, and everything anyone could ask for. The only weakness he had was that he believed he wasn't memorable. I fell in love in just a couple of days with every little part of him, and he sat outside my door as soon as the sun rised and we walked around my little town next to the sunrise. After that we would run away and swim, or grab an ice cream in the sun. We often just listened to music and talked for hours. Talked til the sun was about to go down and the sky painted it self red.

On the last night before he was going to leave me and my heart who already belonged to him we walked along the beach. With the sunset as our background. He held my hand and I held his, as hard as I possibly could. We climbed up a cliff and sat down. He hugged me, embraced me with every part of him. Kissed my forehead. We didn't say anything. Just sitting next to each other felt safe. More safe then anything else. We knew it was the end. Of this. Of what I thought life was about. He would be to far away. And the sun was about to go down and I wanted it to stay up more than I ever wanted anything. So that the next day would never come, and he would never leave. I wanted him to stay so badly I almost couldn't feel myself breath.
Somehow I must have fallen asleep in his arms, because the next morning I woke up in my own bed. He was gone. The only thing left was a letter in a envelope with my name on it.

"Angela,
I carried you home when the sun was down. When you're reading this I'm probably on the train, on my way home.
I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to fall in love with a girl, a wonderful, beautiful girl, in Sweden in less than a week. Cause that's what happened.
I'm in love with you. You. You. You. I don't know much. But you own my heart, even though you're one country away. Doesn't that say alot?

We're young and we're stupid, but it hurts me that I can't be stupid with you. I would leave everything at home to just be with you, even though it sounds dumb.
I know. It wouldn't work. We can't be together. We're too far away from each other. We have so different life's, so different dreams and wishes. But our hearts are the same. Beating for the other. My heart is always going to beat a bit harder for you. I hope you know that, that you will always be a piece of me, everywhere you go.
I didn't have the time to say it before I had to go, but.. I've never met anyone like you. Ever, and I think I love you. Or, I know I do. I love you.

Write me. And please, remember me."

When I'm writing this it's been two years. We've had others. Loved others. But somehow, we're back to this. In love again.

...........

F,

If you're reading this, I remember you.
I'll always remember you, and when you call me in the middle of the night just to sing a song or when I wake up and read your long emails, or when I take a walk down the beach we sat by just to remember you a little bit more, I remember you so much it hurts, but it feels good knowing you'll always be close. Even though you aren't here.

You are and always will be a person no one ever will forget.
Lots of love, Angela