the night we never had

ph: Idiot Drug Hive

I'm standing here alone with two tickets in my hand. Part of me just wants to take the zippo from my back pocket and set them to flames. Part of me wants to just tear them into pieces and throw them into the wind. Part of me wants to show up, give them to another couple begging on the sidewalk and let them have the night I was supposed to have.

I still remember how it felt when I got an alert that my favorite band was coming to my city. Our favorite band. Our city. Even though me and you were still me and you, not us, I knew it was the perfect present for your birthday coming up. I had spent weeks thinking about what I could get you that you would love, that wouldn't be too much considering we we're only good acquaintances, but still be special. That was it. And I could tell it was perfect by the look on your face when I had told you I had ordered them.

Four months ago I had pictured this night. You'd pick me up. We'd hold hands on the will call line. We'd fangirl over the vocalist, scream the lyrics to their best song at each other, step on each others vans. By the end we'd be out of breath and sweating, the whole way back to the car we'd talk about that crazy guy standing next to us and how happy we were they played their old stuff too. We'd cool off in the air conditioning. We'd kiss goodbye. And kiss again. Kiss on the forehead. Kiss on the nose. Wait, one more for the road. I'd already miss him as I watch him drive away, but it's okay, because we'd see each other tomorrow.

But that's not how it going to be. That's nothing a broken dream.

Because three and a half months ago, me and you became us. Six days ago, us became strangers. In an hour, this ticket will be in the hands of some girl I talked to over the internet. For it, I will get twenty-five dollars. It feels like I should be selling it for a hundred, or a thousand. You can't put a price on what this night could have been.

And so instead, tonight I'm going with some guy I used to hook up with but never grew any sort of feelings for, just another boy-toy lost cause. And you, you're hanging out at you're place with the girl from you're past, that you used to care a lot about.

I just can't help but wonder if you too will be thinking about the night we never had.