i'm a mess

ph: David Sigfridsson

I�m a mess. A total mess because I�m in love with this man.

I�m at his place now, sitting on his sofa listening to Journey, his favorite band. He just drank his morning coffee and left for work. I was still in bed, but got up as soon as he locked the front door, because I couldn�t sleep.

I can never sleep nowadays. I can�t sleep or think or breathe or eat and it�s all because of him. He has got into my brain and my heart and there�s nothing I can do about it. It�s been like this for a few months now and I�m trying to get used to it because I know it won�t stop until he�s mine. Or until he says he doesn�t want me and I�ll have to make a desperate try moving forward.

He�s that kind of man who lives on his own in a nice apartment downtown. He talks a lot, sings like some kind of god and got nothing in his refrigerator but soda, jam and two eggs in a box. His hair is curly and his eyes have got some indefinite gray-green color which I�m getting totally lost in every time he looks at me. Also, his smell is like a drug and, obviously, I�m totally obsessed with him.

The thing is he�s not interested in being in a relationship right now. He jokes and says it isn�t season for that at the moment. He hasn�t gotten over his ex, even though it�s been over a year since they broke up. And some days he�s got other girls coming over, sleeping over, just for fun I guess.

This is making me jealous. I�ve never before in my eighteen year old life been jealous. But then, I�ve never felt like this for anyone before neither. This man is different, and he is making me crazy. He is making me a mess, a total mess, and I will wait for him. Even if it�ll break me.