who is the one i love?

ph: Jaqueline Porfírio

All readers of Le Love, I really need help. I'm so confused with my own emotions. Please everyone, give me your opinion on this.

5 years ago, I loved John so much. Half a year later, he broke my heart. He tried to make up for it for another 2.5 years but I could never forget how badly he treated me before. I forgave him, but I really couldn't forget the times he made me cry, hurled vulgarities at me and turned his back on me. So after being with him for 3 years, I broke his heart.

Months later I got together with this new guy, Ron. John broke off all contact with me then. He just disappeared. Ron was a nice guy, at first. Despite that, John constantly lurked at a corner of my mind. I always wondered what he was doing, how he was and stuff like that. Stuff that I shouldn't be thinking off. Gradually Ron showed his true colours... His attitude, his bad temper... Everything. I was upset too. Who would like being mistreated..? I gave him chances, gave him nearly a year to change. I waited and waited.

A year later, John suddenly shows up to pick me up from my lessons. I saw him. My heart pounded faster. I smiled without knowing why. I wanted to run to him and hug him. It's weird to describe it, but he smelt so familiar. And Ron... We quarreled one last time, and we broke off. I told him I'd give him a week to change and if he succeeded I'd be with him again. The deadline is reaching. He hasn't changed. John wants me back. So does Ron. I want to be with John, yet at the same time I feel so unhappy. I feel so unhappy that I have to hurt Ron. I'm so afraid that he'll feel depressed. My heart aches for him. I don't want John sad either. I love both of them yet who is the one?

Why am I contradicting myself? So you see... I really do need help... Who is the one I love?

- Lynni