to just look at me and make me feel

ph: weheartit + typelikeagirl

so..I'm one of those people that never really likes anyone.. in high school Ive just never thought there was a point to having a relationship, i haven't shown interest in a guy for months maybe even adding up to a year and finally i start to notice this boy noticing me and of course it felt good to be noticed by someone.. i decide not to tell anyone but one night my best friend went out to this party and he asked her about me and when she told me he asked about me it only made me like the whole idea of him more so from then on i tried to pull myself together more for school, trying to walk in the hallways he walks in, make myself noticeable and for me that is putting myself out there, so i decide to open up to my best friend and tell her how i felt about him which was a huge step for me so its been this month of intense eye contacts and i always see him looking my way but he never is anywhere i am on the weekends and then finally i go to a party this Friday and he is there..he starts to gravitate towards where i am and we are so close back to back and I'm getting anxious and don't know what to do with myself and really am nervous at this point then we kind of separate but he lingers around where i am i try and say hi but he seemed to intimidated by me and it got kind of awkward, then my best friend starts to talk to him and i hear her bringing up my name and what not then all of a sudden his hands are around her hips but he still just stares at me and seems to try to get my attention, they end up "hooking up" and i try to act like I'm not hurting and i would never have expected me to get so wound up about something like this but its really getting to me and i cant seem to stop thinking about it. why her not me? i guess she is kind of easy and really is one of those girls that you know isn't going to turn you down but out of all the guys she could have chose she chose him and why does he have to just look at me and make me feel like he wants something from me or maybe he will grow a pair and come talk to me ? the one time i open up i get smacked right back down and not just by some lame girl that doesn't mean anything to me but its my best friend, and the truth is now i only want him more..and i feel so embarrassed that i even said anything to anyone about it and i know she said something to him about me which just makes me humiliated.. ahh dreading Monday