love is much more

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In my mind I dream of unknown places and future lovers. See, I dream allot. Part of me is stuck in an alternate reality, in a fairytale book or a Taylor Swift song, where no one gets hurt, and everything is perfect and gets resolved. I'm in love with the idea of love, but I have yet to truly find it, even within myself. I have thought I found it before, thought I grasped it, the concept of it at least, but I was wrong. Love takes no exact shape or form, I think of it as a quivering mass, that can be molded into any shape. For awhile now I have been a numb individual, numb to life, numb to pain, and numb to love. I have been content this way, safe in my little haven, safe in my mind. Little did I know, that I was missing so much. It didn't take a boy, or an unforgettable kiss to make me realize this, it took one conversation with a very good friend. To me love is much more than loving an individual, or even loving yourself. It's about loving life, loving this earth that we inhabit, loving the spirit that fills our soul (whatever that may be), and loving being alive. The most frustrating thing about love is that no one can give you that love of life, not any self help books, or therapists, or even religious figures. (though they may help.) It's something you find within yourself. I finally realized that while, I was afraid of living I was just existing. I want to LIVE. Not just experience the joys of life, but the pain too. I want to LOVE. Not just have a perfect relationship, but have flaws too. I WANT to be hurt, I want to be a complete mess, I want to live in a foreign city where I now no one, and they don't know me. Because anything is better than feeling nothing. Nothing is lonely, nothing is cold. Nothing is giving up. I vow to live and to love from this day forward. To love myself, to love life, and the earth we inhabit, to love the spirit the fills my soul, and to love being alive. I can only hope the same for you. Good luck on your journey.

LOVE
-L