Thursday, 16 August 2012
when all your life/love has been taken
I just realised, how small I feel when you aren't with me. How scared I am of everything, when I can't be with you, or when you turn away. How everything in my life means nothing at all anymore, when I can't share it with you. How alone I feel when you aren't here to understand my ways, and to love them. How incomplete I am without you.. Everything is half. Or nothing. It's like a big gap has been punched through my heart. A part is missing. You took it with you, the biggest part of my heart, and therefore because it's with you, I can not share it with anyone else anymore. It will always be with you. Even now you're gone, no one interests me. There isn't a guy who catches my eye, or interest. Nothing compares to you. Once you've had a taste of perfection. And you aren't even actually perfect. You have imperfections. But dear god, how I love all of them.
You are perfect to me. For me. With me. For I am not perfect either. I am still trying to not mess up. And to be as good as I can for you. Because even though when I was with you, it felt like I could never be with anyone else like I am with you, it still felt like I couldn't deserve you. In a good way. You are way up there for me. And I'm always trying to reach. To touch it. I don't just love you. I'm with you. Everything in me is you. Every memory I have. I don't know how to love without you. I don't know if I want to. Everything is gone. I wish I could say that I'm better off, but it feels like I won't ever meet anyone like you ever again. It feels like I won't ever love again like I did with you. Passionately. I didn't know I could feel this empty. But in a way it's addictive, because it makes me feel that what we had is... was real. That it wasn't just something. The memories are a drug to me and kill me.
How do you live/love when all your life/love has been taken from you?