Sunday, 1 April 2012
ph: Ingrid Voldmo
I feel the need to write coz i'm in the darkest hour of my life, and no matter how much i talk to my friends theres still something i can never share with them.
I had heard about heartbreak, but never really realised it until now how painful that is. My heart is broken in way i never know that it can heal back. I loved a guy, i was 19 when i met him, and i knew instantly that i was gonna spend my life with him, he said the same. He made sure i knew if it wasnt me there wont be anyone else. I did everything i could to be with him. We were gonna get married, our parents had agreed and i was just waiting for him to be ready. We were not compatible, but we wanted to be with each other, almost 5 years.....we would have completed 5 years together tomorrow, if only we were together.
But he turned out to be a guy i never imagined he would be, i thought i could judge a person but he had me totally fooled. 2 months back he started ignoring me, never called and i thought maybe he's busy, if only i knew what or whom he was busy with. We didnt talk for a month, and when we spoke he told me he was over me and had moved one, i still couldnt believe it. I thought it was just another fight, but when i came to know he had moved on with someone else, i still couldn't believe. Coz i didn want to believe it, but he accepted it....he was lying to me for months, pretending to be just her friend. She pretended to be my friend, she spoke to me and advised me that i should not be with him, but i didn know what a whore she was. Home wrecker, she knew our parents had met and we wanted to get maried, i shared my problems with her and she used to lure him. And it worked. Even before i could accept the reality that we weren't together anymore he told me they were getting married. Yesterday they got engaged....
The only thing i was most scared of happened to me. I was cheated. My heart broke into millions of pieces and the worst part is i still cant get over it. I have to make a brave face in front of everyone, coz i dont want them to know that it has affected me, and i'm strong. But the truth is i have thought about him every single day of my life since i'v known him, since the day he told me he has moved on, and i dont know when will it stop. Every time i close my eyes his face flashes in front of me, the memories..... they just kill me every time i think of them.. I wish there was a cure for heartbreak, coz it breaks every time i hear any news about him, or see his picture with her, my breaks all over again. If only i knew when it would finally stop hurting.
I'm not a bad person but i can never wish happiness to him, i want him to suffer, i want him to hurt and go through what i have gone through, coz i didn't deserve what he did to me. I was faithful, loyal and totally committed to him, but he just pretended to be committed, lied and cheated. And i want him to suffer, burn in hell. I hope he's never trully happy in life. I hope she is never truly happy in life.
I believe in karma, and i hope they get what they deserve. I just hope these memories fade soon, coz i'm losing my strength........